Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
