thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
