Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
