I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
are you so shy because you have an std?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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