"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
