Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
