Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
