Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
