my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
