You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
