The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
