i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
