I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
