and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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