Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize