Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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