so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
