shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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