Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
