actually, I'm a sock model
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
