Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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