I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
