Buhtt sex?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
