OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
