She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
