hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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