Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
