I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
