cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
