So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
