last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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