Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
