never play flip cup with pint glasses
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
