Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
