I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
