I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
