Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
