I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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