I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
