Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
