Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
