I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
