he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
