I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
