i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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