Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
