she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
