She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
