And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
