Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
