her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
