I will die if light touches me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
