Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
