Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
